So I've just completed a five week university project. I completed the project itself in 3 weeks and I'm really happy with what I've produced. In the last two weeks I made a tomb from scratch which was something I'm completely unfamiliar with doing. I'm proud of myself. I think I worked really hard and I think I've produced some pretty good work, especially by my standards and my track record with 3D.

Do I sound bad for saying that?

I would consider myself incredibly self-aware. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time and it probably comes from childhood when everything you said and did was judged and you could get bullied for it. I don't believe the idea of being judged for what you say and do has changed except for everyone's a little more subtle and bullying isn't as obvious when you're adults.

For a long time I've known I was pretty good at art. How did I know? Friends told me, family told me, my teachers wanted me to take my art GCSE a year early because I could. I eventually learned that I didn't need to disagree with people when they complimented my work, and that didn't mean I was stuck up or snobby; a simple 'thankyou' doesn't mean 'I know' when somebody says "that's really good!".

So I continued on accepting compliments graciously but I always had this nagging feeling that people were judging me for not disagreeing with them when they complimented my work. I'm not sure whether that's true or not; whether this was a classic set up of "you're so pretty" "not as pretty as you!". Being so self-aware I worried about these things; I thought about how people's opinions of me would change when I said thankyou and would openly admit I was proud/happy with a piece of my work.

I won't deny that I am incredibly proud of my work, and I do think that I am pretty good at what I do. I certainly have room for improvement but I'm definitely not bad. Now some people seem to interpret that as 'stuck-up', snobby, even vain. Because of this I tend to hide my pride... but should I really have to? Is having self-confidence (something I've lacked for many years) so bad?

It could stem from society; something my situation reminds me of is the typical situation girls so often find themselves in. Boy tells girl she is beautiful. Girl is self-conscious and doesn't think much of herself so needs boy's validation on her beauty or her personality ("you don't know you're beautiful, that's what makes you beautiful"- One Direction, anybody?). Girl insists she is not but boy insists she is. Boy is a fantastic person for telling the girl she is beautiful. Now how about this: Boy tells girl she is beautiful. Girl says "I agree". Boy is conflicted and confused at girl's self confidence she is not supposed to have and promptly takes back his compliment or insults the girl.

Probably a completely different discussion for another time, but it is reminiscent of this bewilderment with self-confidence. I completely understand that there is a fine line between being proud of yourself whilst being modest and being proud of yourself while sitting atop your high horse telling people how awful they are compared to you. But where exactly is that line? Perhaps it is just personal opinion, since there are some people I would say are just simply confident in themselves and their work whilst other people would say they're stuck up and an awful human being.

Leading on from this a phrase that scares me is "you're making us look bad". I've heard it a few times -especially in the classroom/learning environment- and I'm never quite sure how to take it. Considering it's mostly heard in a learning environment may actually say a lot. Regardless, do people think that I'm doing this deliberately? Do people think I'm being malicious when I try and best myself and work hard? Because that's the only person I'm trying to be better than: myself.

It's an incredibly difficult topic, and something that I'm constantly struggling with. On one half: "why should I pretend I'm not happy with my work when I am?" on the other half: "whatever I think of myself I must be careful with how I present myself to other people so I don't come across as somebody I'm not". Maybe it is all about balance. Be proud of yourself but don't scream from the rooftops about it? Or maybe society needs to get their head around confidence since it is such a peculiar thing.

These are only personal thoughts and ramblings and my perspective on things. As always I enjoy hearing what other people think and other people's experiences on what I talk about.